The Wal-Mart Itchies

The Wal-Mart Itchies, though common, are a big problem that cause people that are otherwise normal in most aspects and who typically have common decency to become highly agitated and irritated. These poor people, who only expose themselves to this ridiculous form of self-abuse to reap the benefits of moderate price differences in groceries and other household items, have been subjected to the decay of Western civilization as we know it. It starts in the parking lot where it seems that all drivers, whether deaf-blind-or dumb converge and all road laws as we know it seem to get thrown out of the window. No, there may not be stop signs at the end of each row in the parking lot, but the average person with a functioning brain cell comprehends that you should yield to cars that have the right of way, not steal someones spot that they've been patiently waiting for the 80 year old lady to back out of, or leave your cart leaned up against somebody elses car because you're too lazy to push it to a cart return. This mentality doesn't end with the parking lot. It seems that these "shoppers" who don't know how to drive a car also have the same deficiency when it comes to driving a shopping cart. Is it so much to ask that you use the same theories to pushing a shopping cart as you would driving a car??? Come on, people. Stay on the right side of the aisle....stop at the end of the aisle to make sure nobody is coming (with the right of way, mind you) down the bigger aisle....merge accordingly....don't park your cart in the middle of the aisle and assume that others will move it out of the way if they really want to get by....don't flip someone off (or in this case give really dirty looks) at someone who is politely saying excuse me when you have so rudely left your cart in the middle of the aisle...and for the love, if you don't know exactly what it is you're looking for--back up from the shelf and let other people reach in and grab what they need!!! Jer has a word that he likes to use from his mission that describes the average Wal-mart and I have to say it fits perfectly. Sector. Closely translated it means GHETTO!
So, in order to combat these "itchies" as I have called them, I am implementing a new mentality when I go shopping. I am no longer going to abruptly stop my cart in mid-motion, making a perfectly legal turn, when I have the right of way, causing my children to get grocery cart whip-lash. Nope. Instead, I am going to continue in my direction and if I hit someone elses cart, so be it. If they pulled out in front of me, it's their fault and their insurance should have to pay for the damages. Okay, okay, I might be getting a little carried away. But the principle should still be the same. I don't know if the problem is as bad at other stores, but I know all too well that the Wal-Mart Itchies can strike at any time, so BEWARE!!